


Are you there god? It’s me, Matsuda

by sweaterwearinlesbian



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Kinda, M/M, Matsuda was.... Light’s side hoe, and he’s mad, and light’s dead, it’s short and sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 09:33:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20703779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweaterwearinlesbian/pseuds/sweaterwearinlesbian
Summary: “Why did you do it Light?” The tears that he had never expected to return made their arrival. “What did you gain from this? Why did you betray all that you hold dear, all that you swore to uphold? You lied through your teeth to your father, your family, your friends. To me. Stupid Matsuda. Idiotic Matsuda fell for your tricks, hook line and sinker.“





	Are you there god? It’s me, Matsuda

The funeral was a bleak affair; it WAS a funeral after all, and Light Yagami may have been beloved in life, but in death he is well hated. However, a few people come, only those who considered themselves ‘closest’ to him. Even Near shows, if only to place two black roses in the casket and then leave. The total comes to a grand 7. Matsuda, Sayu and Sachiko, Aizawa, Mogi and Misa. Misa had been distraught and couldn’t even get through the eulogy before she had to leave. Everyone else was long gone too, off to cry or enjoy the rest of the gorgeous day, but Matsuda remained. He had given his speech with dignity, as no one else wanted to stand up there and spew lies about Light besides him. If the chief had still been alive, Matsuda is sure he would’ve given it, maybe even L. Certainly not Matsuda, but then again none of them knew about how well he knew Light.

Sighing, Matsuda sat on the drying dirt and stared at the kanji he knew so well. If Matsuda wanted to, he could reach out and touch the headstone.

“Why did you do it Light?” The tears that he had never expected to return made their arrival. “What did you gain from this? Why did you betray all that you hold dear, all that you swore to uphold? You lied through your teeth to your father, your family, your friends. To me. Stupid Matsuda. Idiotic Matsuda fell for your tricks, hook line and sinker. You never cared for any of us, did you? No, it was just this stupid fantasy of a perfect world! 

You told me that you would do anything to bring the man who killed your father to justice. You told me that you weren’t him. You told me that L dying was the worst thing that ever happened to you. I LOVED YOU LIGHT! I wanted so badly for you to be telling the truth. I wanted so badly for whatever relationship we had to be true. I wanted you, in my deepest dreams, to leave Misa for me because you loved me more. No… no, you never loved anyone besides yourself. You smiled down on us and patted us on the heads and told us that of course god loves you, but you never gave a damn… maybe, just maybe, you cared for Ryuzaki. God, I don’t think that I ever saw the same spark in your eyes once he was gone.” Matsuda took a shuddering breath, dragging his fingers through his too shaggy hair.

“I dream about you. It’s only been three days but I’ve thought about you more in those days than ever before in my life. Even when -well there’s no one around who cares, huh?- even when you let us have sex, and I thought about you a lot. Do you remember the night you stayed with me instead of leaving? Halloween, two years ago. You cried a lot if I remember right and you wouldn’t tell me why. You got me good Light. I was so stupid. Stupid stupid Matsuda. Ryuzaki knew that, so did you. I was such a fool. A stupid guliable fool. I won’t be fooled again.” Matsuda stood, and dusted off his dress pants. They would need to be sent to the dry cleaner he mused, eyeing a few dirt stains that were easy to spot. At least they were dark pants. 

From Mu, Light looked on the scene, his hand clutched in L’s. “Well Light, you’re a worse person than I ever knew. Kiss me?” Light grinned and his eyes flashed red and he did. Matsuda would get over it. He always did, especially when it came to Light.

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblrs - sweaterwearinlesbian (main) & lightsturtleneck (dn)  
I rly love Matsuda and i RLY love writing Matsuda in pain uwu


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